I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
