Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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