It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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