i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
