Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
