They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
