im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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