Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
