Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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