Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
