I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
