Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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