Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
