So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
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