why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
