i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
