Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
