Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
farters have to be the big spoon...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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