Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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