halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
