This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
