Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im about as happy as oj after his trial
love makes seman taste better
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
