Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You pole danced in your parka.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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