This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This house was built for laser tag.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
