Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
