I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
