smell my finger.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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