Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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