apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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