I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
