The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
