I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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