I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
