i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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