oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
