I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
