There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
