apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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