dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
