I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
