is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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