im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
