I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
