You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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