just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
