clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
