And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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