She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
