I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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