i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
